Why do I consistently set myself for failure? I'm constantly telling myself I'm going to be better. But am I, nope!
For example: Every day I tell myself I am going to get everything done early, so I can go to bed early. Well, I usually get my stuff done, and then plop myself on the couch. I string out the hours of the day, in fear of what's ahead the next day. Well, inevitably, the next day comes. And of course, I am the most unpleasant creature to be around. But it is of course always the kids fault for puting me in such a bad mood. This happens every single day. Mornings are horrible around here. It doesn't help that none of my children can follow a simple set of steps, get dressed, eat breakfast, brush teeth, do hair, etc, etc. They have had the same routine for at least 4 years now. But they are so surprised, like I just flung it on them, that they have to put on their shoes in order to leave for school. Amazing!
But as they finish getting ready for school, and kneel for morning prayer, my heart melts, and I feel really horrible for the ornery person that I am. When I drop them off for school, I'm sad for the things I will miss them do during the day. And I vow that tomorrow will better. But here I sit at quarter to midnight on the computer! Hmmmm, what will the morning be like tomorrow? It's a Saturday morning and Dad's out of town, no sleeping in for me. But I promise tomorrow will be better:) I will think of the many ways my kids made me smile today.
*I will think of Kaylee's ability to forgive, and love everyone. She is so quick, after I've gotten mad at her, to come give me a kiss. She started out the year being tormented by a girl in her class. Kaylee didn't let that stop her. That girl is now one of her very best friends in her class.
* I will think of Kade's crazy antics that he pulls EVERYDAY. When getting ready to go to Home Depot today, this is how he prepared himself to leave the house.
I loved his smushed eye, and his really short shorts. Keep in mind, it was snowing outside.
*I will think of my sleep over that I had with Kaylee last night. It's fun to have girl time together, even if she smacked me in the head a few times in her sleep.
* I will think of the brotherly love Brayden has for the two other kids. Well, most of the time. He spends hours with them playing house, pretending they are somewhere else in the world, teaching them how to play soccer, and snuggling with them. I am in the middle of painting Kade's room so the two boys have been able to sleep together. This is how I have found them almost every night. Brayden has decided to sleep down on the floor with Kade.
*I will think of the quiet moments I have with Kaylee when she says to me, "Mom come closer, it's privacy." She will then continue to whisper something in my ear that can only be between her and I. Any moment when Kaylee is whispering is a moment to cherish. It doesn't happen often.
* I will think of hanging with the two boys tonight watching Princess and the Frog. We all got up and danced together when the music would come on. My boys can move.
* I will think of my conversation with Kaylee this morning. We were talking about the birthday party she went to last week. They were supposed to dress up as their favorite super hero. I asked her this morning if she was still Super Woman. She said to me, "Mom, I'm not super woman. I'm the daughter of super woman."
So even though I have SOOOO many faults, I'm grateful my kids can forgive me and still love me. I'm grateful that I have tomorrow to be better. And good thing I'm Super Woman because it's gonna take a lot of super power for me to wake up happy tomorrow.