I'm gonna miss this...

The other day Kaylee asked me if I would pull out the baby albums so we could look through them. She will do this occasionally and it's fun to reminisce and remember old times when they were just tiny tiny. But the other day it just hit me hard, maybe its because I was extra emotional that day, but I haven't been able to stop thinking about how big my babies are getting. I am so quick to complain about how frustrated they have made me, or how tired they have made me, or how it's absolutely impossible to keep my house clean with them around. But today while going to collect some sanity at Wendy's by getting a Dr. Pepper I heard this song. I know I've heard it before but I don't think I've really listened to the words. It's called "Your Gonna Miss This" By Trace Adkins. Here is part of what stood out to me....

Your Gonna Miss This
by Trace Adkins

Before she knows it she’s a brand new bride
In a one-bedroom apartment, and her daddy stops by
He tells her “It’s a nice place”
She says “It’ll do for now”
Starts talking about babies and buying a house
Daddy shakes his head and says “Baby, just slow down”

Cause you’re gonna miss this
You’re gonna want this back
You’re gonna wish these days hadn’t gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you’re gonna miss this

Five years later there’s a plumber workin’ on the water heater
Dog’s barkin’, phone’s ringin’
One kid’s cryin’, one kid’s screamin’
She keeps apologizin’
He says they don’t bother me.
I’ve got 2 babies of my own.
One’s 36, one’s 23.
Huh, it’s hard to believe, but …

You’re gonna miss this
You’re gonna want this back
You’re gonna wish these days hadn’t gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around

I feel like I'm always in a rush, always wondering what's next in life. I think I forget to live in the moment. This is just a reminder that I need to live in the moment and slow down a bit. I think I've already missed so many precious moments because of either my negative attitude or just waiting for the next thing to happen.

After looking at the baby book with Kaylee I was looking through a book of baby poems that I have. Here is one of my favorites,

I dread the day when you are grown
When you can venture out alone.

You won't need me at your side
To hold your hand and be your guide.

You won't need me to chase your fears
To give you a hug and wipe your tears.

I know if I could have just one wish come true
I'd stay "Mommy" forever and you'd stay little you.
-Laura Taylor Mark

So over the next couple days I am going to try really hard to live in the moment. I have my three little kiddies all to myself. I have promised each of them a sleep over with mommy. Brayden is having a really hard time without his daddy. He cried for about a half hour last night and then when he woke up this morning he said, "If dad were here now we would be sitting on the couch watching soccer together." I guess he didn't take into account that his dad would have been at work anyway. It was sad. Then Kaylee played off Brayden being sad saying how much she missed Mike. So I said well I'm here with you isn't that ok? She said, "Sorry mom, I hope I didn't break your feelings." I told Mike today when I talked to him that if something were ever to happen to him that me and the kids would have to follow because I couldn't handle the whole grieving thing cause that's what I feel like we are doing here. Going through the day I've thought about a lot of things that I take for granted that Mike does for me. These are some of the things I've missed having him gone.


*I had to bathe the kids last night. He usually does this so I can have a few minutes to myself or to catch up on anything that needs to be done.
*Bedtime routine by myself...need I say more.
* Watching TV and having no one to comment on the shows to, No one to get me a glass of water, or a blanket, and no one to cuddle with.
*Having to make sure the house is locked up before going to bed. I usually don't think twice about this.
*Going to bed by myself. I love having someone to talk to before I go to bed. I was lonely.
*Kade woke up in the middle of the night, I had to get up with him. Kade usually doesn't do this but when he does Mike is usually so dead asleep he will do anything I ask him to.
*6:30 this morning when the kids woke up. I had to get up with them. He's usually so great to take care of the kids until he has to leave for work.
*The phone calls and text messages I get through out the day.
*I have a sink full of dishes that I can't save for him for when he gets home.
*I'm out of milk. He will always stop on his way home from work and pick up anything I need.

It's nice having a partner (but after reading this it sounds more like I have a slave, sorry honey.) I really do rely on him way too much. I'm not sure what I would do without him. I've been really sad lately for people that have lost their spouse , my mother-in-law, a guy in my ward, one of our old family friends just lost her husband. No one should have to be lonely. So here's to living in the moment cause you never know what life is going to hand you, and at any given moment you could be thinking...I sure miss that.