What am I to do?

Last week Brayden started 2nd grade. When he got home from school he said it was the best day EVER! He was so excited to start because his teacher, Mrs. Montoya, has been in our ward (she just recently moved.) A lot of his same friend are in his class and he loves that he doesn't have to wait so long for lunch (first graders had to wait til after 1:00.) On his first day of school Kaylee got to go and meet her Kindergarten teacher. So we all got ready and walked Brayden to school. I'm glad I had an excuse to go to the school because I'm not sure he would have let me walk him any other way. Sad. Kade had to be included and put on his back pack. As soon as we were at the school he was off with his buddies, 2nd graders are so silly. I just felt like I was so not needed. He was just growing up and he could handle it on his own. He knew what he needed to do. So off I took Kaylee to the Kindergarten area.

Well today, after counting down the days for over a month, Kaylee finally got to start Kindergarten. I had some anxiety over it....not her. I got the kids ready to walk them to school and she asked me why I was coming with them?!? I guess she doesn't understand what it's like when your child starts Kindergarten! But off she went with her friends WAY in front of me. She even crossed at the crossing guard before I could tell her the rules. By the time I caught up to her she had reached the Kindergarten area, dropped her bag in line, found a friend and was playing on the playground. She didn't need me, in fact she had forgotten was even walking with her. Why are my children so independent? Maybe this would be easier if I felt they were going to miss me just a little? I felt a little nervous leaving her, maybe it was the fact that she was a whole head shorter then everybody in her class, maybe it was because I didn't know what I was going to do when I got home. But I did it, I turned my back and I walked away.

When we got home I got all emotional. It was so weird...the house was so quiet. Without Kaylee around things are too quiet. I've been used to her going to preschool a couple days a week, but this was different, it was longer and it will be everyday. I realized from here on out, it's just going to get longer. I've been waiting for this day for so long and now I was sad about it. I feel like I'm losing my kids little by little, and to top it off I don't know what to do with myself. I came home and walked around. Of course my house is in total disarray because I've had other priorities (Breaking Dawn) but I didn't want to do any of that. So me and Kade decided to go to Target and walk around there. I know I can't get in that habit, so hopefully soon I can figure out what to do with myself. Let me know if you have any ideas....