But, blogging has also placed a very negative effect on my emotional well being. It's so easy as you peruse from blog to blog, to judge yourself. It's easy to stack your family up to somebody else's family. As blog readers, all you see are the happy smiling pictures, and happy memories of the event. You don't see the crazy havoc that went into planning an event, the kids tearing out each other's hair in the back seat, screaming, telling on each other, Mom reaching back smacking them, car swerving as she's trying to reach them (Did I just paint a good enough picture for all my blog readers?)
I have been struggling for the past year or so with some emotional issues. Just recently I went back and looked through our family blog and I admit, I have been guilty of this very same thing. I haven't done it to paint a false picture though, I have been ashamed of the place I have been in. I haven't publicly wanted anybody to know I was struggling. I now feel I am in a stage of healing and feel it's OK to share it. I also feel that I'm supposed to. I have been documenting this recovery process in some other journals, and I feel that it's appropriate to document it here as well.
I have realized I have buried so many issues from my past for so long. But recently I have been lucky enough to have some "angels" walk into my life at just the right time to help me. Some were nearly strangers but were eager to help me along this path. Sometimes, I just needed to hear the right thing at the right time to give me a simple nudge. I have been able to see perspective on things much clearer. I have read/and am reading some great books by inspired authors. This has really helped me along this path.
Some were simple truths that we've been taught all along.
I was really inspired to start the new Personal Progress program. Nothing will make you feel more important or more special.You will truly see who you are in God's eyes.
Sometimes, it's just spending a few extra minutes in the morning outside admiring some of the new flowers or vegetables growing in my garden. When you spend time actually thanking God for his beautiful creations it's amazing what it will do for your soul.
Sometimes it's laying outside with Mike, late at night, staring up at the stars. We can talk for hours, he is so good to listen to me, even though he doesn't understand where I'm coming from.
I know I still have a long way to go in my healing process, but the weight I feel off my shoulders is huge. I feel so sad that I didn't take this journey earlier in my life. I think I missed so many important years in my kids life, I wasn't able to enjoy them to the fullest. And maybe, just considering "the job" of a young mom, maybe it wouldn't have mattered. It's stressful, hard, you're always tired and you're just in survival mode. Maybe I'm just in a good place now as a mom. But I can honestly say, as I hang out with my kids, and we go on little outings, I just look at them and smile. I truly enjoy being around these little human beings. My heart melts knowing they are mine. I let them stay up a little longer just to be with them, talk with them, read with them. They are my little angels and I am so blessed to be their mom. I am blessed with an amazing husband. I am happy to look at my blog over the last little bit and know their is no facade, life is simply good.
7 comments:
Heather You are a good person and a mom. I have admired you for a long time on your creativity, spirituaity and you as a person in general. Thank you for your example. Have fun doing the personal progress- I have heard really good things and lessons learned for doing it.
I can literally FEEL the light from you in this post. My own fire burns brighter because of you. You're beautiful!!! ;-)
What a great post. I often feel that way about blogging. I try to keep it real...on mine...though I do edit some of the bad moments!!!
I love that you are starting the new program. I would love to read what the new stuff is.
I am grateful to have you in my life...and to say you have been my constant, consistant, and greatest friend the past 13 years (really that is a long time!!!). Love you. Thanks for all you do for me.
I swear you blog EXACTLY how I am feeling some times. I recently had a friend point out how happy blogs are and how we as women tend to compare our selves and our families to one another. It often times makes us sad and depressed. I know it does for me, that is why I haven't been blogging very often. I have always thought very highly of you. Your beautiful, smart, and a good mom and wife. I wish we had stayed closer over the years. But it was really good to see you last week. I hope it doesn't take us another 5 years to do it again. Through reading your blog, I feel we still have a ton in common even though it has been many years since we were close.
Seriously Heather I swear EVERY single time I am down you post the same thing. I was just crying tonight saying that I love blogging but hate it and never look at other peoples blogs anymore. Sometimes I feel like people try to paint a picture, I mean before blogging who took a picture of their f.h.e. or the packet they put together for their kids during confrence, or the million things they have made? I feel like the longer we blog the more people come up with "things" to blog about. I was crying saying what a loser I am and Jonathan said "Have you read Heathers post?" I ws like no why? ha ha ha Then he started telling me how he actually thinks we are a lot a like in a lot of ways. Anyway I thought it was funny how it played out. I am so happy you are feeling better.
Hey I agree with you. I think we've all made fun of that stuff at one point...then done it ourselves. I do have to say I am writing the good times in my blog because that's what I want to remember...I try to forget the crappy stuff (you know what I'm talking about). In the end it's you and your kids that want to look back at the fun vacations and fun things you've done as a family. Don't compare yourself to anyone, everyone does something great and then fails at something else. Unfortunately I tend to fail at more things than most. You are a great friend, fabulous mom and an inspiration to everyone!
Great writing Heather! You really know how to express yourself and I appreciate it. I think comparing is the "natural woman" in us and I've definitely had my share of it especially during the bad times in my life.... I think I stopped blogging during those times because I didn't want to be fake. I think a lot of people just want to focus on the positive & there's nothing wrong with that, but it would be kind of refreshing if they included some details that didn't make them look so perfect... ha ha... maybe if I start blogging I will try to be more real. I'm so glad you are on the road to recovery... it can be long & hard, but then you surprisingly look back and wouldn't have it any other way. Love ya!
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